1+--+a.w.

Rough draft -- Definition Paper 01.30.11

I conquer my thirst with a refreshing sip of soda and gaze out the transparent window of my mini-van on my backseat vacation. In my near view I see organized rows of soybeans and corn with a backdrop of smokestacks and large cement buildings conquering their own. Smoke stacks billowing mass amounts of smoke and puff their glory and domination, giving their call of destiny, industrialization. Industry best put appears as the production of service for benefit of mankind. The primary reason this fascinates me is i surround myself with industry every moment i live. Born of a booming generation, it is a privilege and a down fall to be so enclosed in such a materialistic space. The car I drive, industry. The soda I sip, industry. The shoes on my feet, the clothes on my body, the mascara on my eyelashes. You can not escape.

Production swallows itself whole and soon becomes its own product of waste. The human race enjoys the cause and effects of things, but in this generation we don't care for the result of the effects. Mass assembly lines have been made for less work and lesser quality at an alarming speed. Once the products are out we buy and buy and buy until we have too much. Easy for us, we throw away what we don't want and that product is now out of our hands and out of our worries. Countries even compete with industry and mass production to catch up with China, or America, or Mexico just to see who can dominate with the most value.

The foundation of this service is a tower that will never seize to be built higher. Industry is a competition of social Darwinism and will continue to be as long as industry is at its strongest. Have you even noticed how often technology is upgraded? Or how children toys change by model every year or so. It is made this way so everyone must conform for the benefit of business. Every industry contains the same logic, produce for consumers in mass amounts at a cheap price so consumers come back to consume more.

Industry is rapidly growing. What we all see when we look at items in a store is "I need that." The missing acknowledgment of what we already own is the downfall to our logic. Has anyone stopped to wonder as to why we "need" that? If the price is right we throw it in our shopping cart. I for one am not denying i am a hypocrite, I too, bargain for the cheapest price and settle with the amount of money saved. In today's industry quantity rules over quality.

Finally, our product sits around amongst the other industrialized products of no use in our home and we throw them away. According to multiple graphs recycling is still the lowest form of disposal while the rate of disposing into landfills keeps going up. The landfill business is an industry itself. Once the landfill industry runs out of room for disposal, will the industry come to a sudden halt and chain react for every industry to crumble? Can you ever escape?

Industry is clear it is for the benefit of mankind before nature and other forms of life. Is escaping mainstream industry possible? Is production full speed ahead for more? Life goes on as we consume and escaping doesn't seem to matter.

Hi there, this is Timmmmmmm. I love this paper. It's very interesting how you throw rhetorical questions into the piece throughout. It really makes you think. I personally think it is all disgusting, but just as you said, I am a hypocrite and I can't help but desire the latest technology. The diction and syntax are spot-on! You seem to be very informed on the issue, and I really like how you add personal touches to the piece (mascara, soda, etc.) It sort of connects the reader with you, you know what I mean?

It hurt, to read the first paragraph when you describe viewing the plants and then immediately noticing the looming smokestacks. Is that a metaphor? Some hidden meaning? I think so. I write most of my papers about the Earth, so it is to me. (Good job!) I can't say anything bad about the piece, because there isn't really anything bad about it. There was an uncapitalized I somewhere in there, and little grammatical errors, but other than that. The conclusion ties things together very well, and you use very crisp transitions. You're a very good writer!

wowwww ! this is jailynn, haa i really like this paper,. and Mrs.Lange was right your first sentence is amazing !

Revision-

I conquer my thirst with a refreshing sip of soda and gaze out the transparent window of my mini-van on my backseat vacation. In my near view I see organized rows of soybeans and corn with a backdrop of smokestacks and large cement buildings conquering their own. Smoke stacks billow mass amounts of smoke and puff their glory and domination, giving their call of destiny, industrialization.

Industry best put appears as the production of service for benefit of humankind. It is diligence in employment or pursuit and steady or habitual effort. The primary reason this fascinates me is I surround myself with industry every moment I live. Born into a booming generation, it is a privilege and a downfall to be so enclosed in such a materialistic space. The car I drive, industry. The soda I sip, industry. The shoes on my feet, the clothes on my body, the mascara on my eyelashes. Who can escape?

Production swallows itself whole and soon becomes its own product of waste. The human race enjoys the cause and effects of things, but in this generation we don't care for the result of the effects. Mass assembly lines have been made for less work and lesser quality at an alarming speed. Once the products are out, we buy and buy and buy until we have too much. Easy for us. We throw away what we don't want, and that product is now out of our hands and out of our worries. Countries even compete with industry and mass production to catch up with China, or America, or Mexico just to see who can dominate with the most value.

The foundation of this service is a tower that will never seize to be built higher. Industry is a competition of social Darwinism and will continue to be as long as industry is at its strongest. Ever notice how often technology is upgraded? Or how children toys change by model every year or so. It is made this way so everyone must conform for the benefit of business. Every industry contains the same logic, produce for consumers in mass amounts at a cheap price so consumers come back to consume more.

Industry is rapidly growing. What we all see when we look at items in a store is "I need that." The missing acknowledgment of what we already own is the downfall to our logic. Has anyone stopped to wonder as to why we "need" that? If the price is right, we throw it in our shopping cart. I, for one, am not denying I am a hypocrite. I too, bargain for the cheapest price and settle with the amount of money saved. In today's industry quantity rules over quality. An ever-aging man says, "Industry: a group of businesses pursuing products and services of a related field. I've seen the change. When I was young, we had basic industries, when unions were strong and labor was running full speed ahead. Little education was required and as technology bloomed it required a more educated work force. Industry is a necessary thing, its how its done." He snickers a bit, " You're going to have to use your resources intelligently, you can't rape the earth. We've got mining problems, agriculture is at mass production, we've all seen what technology has done, it's all good and bad."

Finally, our product sits around amongst the other industrialized products of no use in our home, and we throw them away. According to multiple graphs recycling is still the lowest form of disposal while the rate of disposing into landfills keeps going up. The landfill business is an industry itself. Once the landfill industry runs out of room for disposal, will the industry come to a sudden halt and chain react for every industry to crumble? Can anyone escape?

Industry is a mindset, a far fetched goal, a magic trick made possible so you are able to coat a single eyelash with the very mascara that laces your eye. It's clear it is for the benefit of humankind before nature and other forms of life. Is escaping mainstream industry possible? Is production full speed ahead for more? Life goes on as we consume, and escaping doesn't seem to matter.

This piece is absolutely beautiful! While reading your rough draft, the only negative comments i had in mind were about your prevalent use of "you" and "I," but you clearly did revise it =) I adore your conclusion...this writing evokes emotion for me, which is uncommon in most of the things that i read, sadly. But all the same is what writing is supposed to do! I remember when Ms. Anderson used to brag about you in class and now i know why!! Hahaha =) --Lexi